Whose Truth Is This?
by wsm021
Summary: There are moments when the silence drowns out the noise. Times when your actions fail to convey your intent. And what's real isn't all it seems to be. Though sometimes the opposite holds true. 'A collect of one-shots
1. The Price of Your Mistake

**Disclaimer… no it's really just a rant: Elena is a stupid bitch, I don't have ANY thing to with her. This is for team damon. Excuse the language. AND I KNEW! She met Damon first, I've been saying that for three seasons, and everyone thought I was crazy. Such a cute first meeting, so utterly delena, before there even was a delena and Elena you are a retarded cunt for not seeing what I see. My friends make me happy to be alive and that doesn't mean I should be romantically involved with any of them. You're an emotional-cripple and I really really really really am starting to hate you. Like really. Gawd. I don't even care what happens to you, if you choose not to transition or Bonnie finds a new soul for you great. I hope Damon leaves your sorry ass in that soul crushing town and finds someone who's actually capable of distinguishing first love (baby steps) to real love (marathon running) You know the disney movies for toddlers to the classic pen to parchment type stuff. A walk to remember, gone with the wind. GONE WITH THE WIND! The scarlet letter, pride and prejudice, oh my god read some Hemmingway. Four months until September, do the world a favor and either get it together or die. Thank you. **

**Moving on,**

**Title: The Price of Your Mistake  
**

**Rating: T  
**

**Pairing: Stefan/Elena, Damon/Elena**

**Set: 3x22 AU. ****Imagine if the 3x22 had ended with the delena phone call.**

* * *

"I told you Elena, we talked about this. We… Damon and I, agreed it was best. He's fine." He can't even look her in the eye anymore. No matter how many times he's repeated himself, no matter how sincerely he pleaded with her to understand she just looked at him as if he wasn't speaking English anymore. Klaus was gone, their line was somehow safe.

It was over, for now.

Alaric was off chasing originals and they were safe and it seemed Elena had made a choice. He wanted nothing more to get lost in her. And she'd let him. He'd met her at the house, met her with hands and lips and eyes ready to consume her. He'd been happy, happier than he had been in a year. Happiness for a night.

Then the morning came. The dawn of a new day, the first ray of light breaking through the dark of night and all that. And with it, as the clichés would have it, came the consequences of actions made in the dark room of an empty home. He pretended to be asleep, wanted to know how exactly she would react to finding in him her bed. She hadn't disappointed.

A faint kiss to his shoulder, lovingly bidding him good morning. And he'd almost opened his eyes, almost returned the gesture until he had felt her pull away. Stretching to reach for her phone. He would have thought nothing of it if not for the heavy sigh. The no messages sigh. The 'Damon hasn't tried to reach me' sigh. He tried to comfort himself that she'd thought of him first, kissed him first.

Similar to the way she had met him first.

He got out of bed while she showered, made breakfast and tried to act as if this was all he'd ever wanted. She felt for him. Stefan knew that. It would take time. The first time she asks him what's taken Damon so long he almost doesn't have the heart to answer her. Except they were all about honesty now

_He_ would not repeat the mistakes of the past.

The look on her face was one he will never be able to erase from his mind. The blankness of her stare, as if the earth had stopped rotating and everything that meant anything to her was gone. It only lasts a minute. Maybe even less than that, but it was enough.

"It's been a week Stefan…" She can't help the desperation that pours out of her voice, pools in her eyes, seeps through her pores and suffocates her lungs. She almost expects to find herself standing in a pool of blood from these words that cut like daggers.

But silence was not an option. These words, this conversation, it was all she had.

This had been her reality for six days, thirteen hours and 46mins. This conversation that started the minute Damon hadn't come home on time. The one they've been having every minute thereafter. Elena was of the belief that they needed to look for him, because obviously he was lost, obviously he needed help. Somehow Stefan was under the delusional opinion that he had left.

She's hurting him. She knows that Stefan is reading regret in her words. She just can't bring herself to care. Elena refused to believe that Damon would leave her. He had never… how could, why would… she can't wrap her head around it to properly question what was happening.

So maybe he didn't, maybe he didn't leave her. Maybe she left him. Maybe she told him he wasn't good enough anymore, maybe she told him there was nothing left to fight for. Maybe she told him this wasn't his home anymore, she couldn't be his home. Maybe, not maybe.

She did do all that and more.

Elena lets Stefan steer the conversation in a new direction. She pretends it's less than what it is, the way she always has with Damon. Only now she can finally see the truth. _"You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure. Maybe even a little danger"_


	2. A Lesson In Regret

**Title: A Lesson In Regret  
**

**Rating:**** K+**

**S****ummary:**** He told her that one day he wouldn't do things simply because she was the one asking, leave it to him to choose the worst day possible to grow a back bone. Post 3x22, Elena's transition should change things, but Damon won't let it. **

**Pairing:**** Damon/Elena**

**AN: My classes just started, so I don't know how often I'll be able to update. Oh and not all of these will be post 3x22, I just haven't worked through that clusterfuck enough to leave it alone yet. **

* * *

He'd rushed into the morgue, unceremoniously dragged her out of Stefan's arms. He was all lips and hands and words as sacred as holy prayer. She'd questioned it, for a second, whether or not she would turn. She thought of Jeremy and Bonnie, Caroline and Stefan. Damon was the deciding factor. If she died there was no doubt that he would follow. So she reassures him.

All lips and hands, reciting his name soft and gentle like a hymn from the good book.

She doesn't know how long they stay like that; it felt like a minute short of forever. He puts just enough space between them to hand her a blood bag. Just enough space for her to realize there had never really been a choice. He stares into her eyes daring her to put up a fight. He dives into her soul making it impossible to deny him.

She wouldn't.

One hand holds the bag and the other cups his face. Her gaze unwavering. He was grateful, relieved. Her eyes on his until the bag was empty. She will always regret closing her eyes. He took the empty bag from her and for a second they were together, and perfect and alive. Her arms around him, his lips against her skin, silent whispers of devotion. She'd closed her eyes trying to memorize the feeling.

Then her arms were empty, the love gone.

It wasn't hard to figure out what he's doing. She lives at the boarding house now. Away from Jeremy until she has a handle on the blood lust. Her things had been there to welcome her home, the first thing she did was move them out of Stefan's room. He doesn't question it. He'd seen the tides change.

Damon isn't there to notice.

He lives at her house, claims to be protecting the littlest Gilbert. Really he's avoiding her. Has been avoiding her since he walked out of the hospital, only in her presence when absolutely necessary. He comes over with Jeremy; supervised visits to test her strength. He, Caroline and Stefan take her out. Well Stefan and Caroline take her out; Damon stands in the background and makes sure no one dies.

He won't look her in the eye.

That's the first thing she notices. The way he looks through her, or over her shoulder, or at the glass in his hand. It's the cause of insecurities, had the transition down something to her appearance? Was she no longer attractive to him, too much like Katherine? She would ask him but there's this distance between them that she never thought possible. He's nice to her, normal people nice. There's no teasing, gone are the subtle innuendos. It's an easy friendship, void of all the secrets they share.

There is no instant when skin comes into contact, never.

She knows because she craves it. Second to the blood lust, his skin is the focus of her desires. She just wants him to hold her hand. Really, she would settle for a simply brush of his finger tips. The way he used to stroke her wrist at night, her pulse lulling him to sleep after a hard day. Her borrowed blood beat the same, course through her veins in the same three/four time, would it have the same effect?

He doesn't say her name anymore.

She doesn't even know how it's possible but he manages it. It's not like he calls her something else, there's no Katherine two, or Gilbert, or anything. He just doesn't address her. He doesn't talk to her unless someone else already is, unless she talks to him first. It's gotten to the point that even when he _wants_ to talk to her, even when she can see that he has something to say he'll wait, save it, until he can address her without saying her name, or touching her, or making eye contact.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

She corners him in the kitchen one night, away from concerned faces and judging eyes. She tries to tell him that she remembers. She remembers the night in her room, remembers how capable he was of not sabotaging them. She wants to tell him that she remembers meeting him that night. She meant was to remind him of the spark, of the way he knew how to tease her. She wants to thank him for the way he never questioned her. The minute he really looked at her, he knew she wasn't Katherine, and that meant something. She wants him to recall the banter, and the chemistry, and the way they connected right from the start. What she says is "you compelled me".

He doesn't acknowledge it; all the things she wants him to know. And he doesn't he apologize for it. Damon just nods, accepts, "You chose Stefan. We all have our crosses to bear."


	3. Always Isn't Always True

**Title:**** 'Always' Isn't Always True****  
**

**Rating: ****M for language**

**Summary:**** Stefan doesn't even think they know. It's a draw between the most beautiful or most tragic thing he had ever seen.**

**Pairing:**** Stefan on Damon/Elena **

**AN: This is why they're endgame; the opposition can go fuck itself. **

* * *

This time Damon has her backed into a corner. She claws against his chest seemingly enraged by his proximity. Maybe she is, but not for the reasons she should be. Stefan can smell her arousal, faint as it may be. His brother slams her back against the wall not caring about the delicate nature of her human body, her whimper causes him to growl like the predator; clearly disgusted by her weakness. She pushes her body against his to proud to ever back down; a sound escaping from her that Stefan immediately relates to a banshee before it attacks. The tension has become unbearable, causing their fights to escalade from rare to occasional to daily. They dance around each other like rapid bitches in heat, as likely to rip each other apart as fuck each other senseless.

He can't recall when it started, having always been a little wary of Damon's interaction with Elena. Though when had wary turned into envy he doesn't know. Her eyes glow, there's a fire behind them, a Petrova fire he recognizes from 1864. She is so passionate, so beautiful in these moments, these moments with his brother. He may have her in his bed at night, where she moans and whimpers and loves him. But there's no fire.

She is more alive in the darkened corners of the study than she is in the candlelit expanse of his bedroom. Maybe it's his own fault, because he's gentle with her. Stefan cares for her and her delicate nature but she needs an outlet for all the rest. Defying all logical Damon's heated words move her more than Stefan's touch has ever been able to. Maybe he's the outlet, her delicacy a small fraction of her nature, and Damon gets all the rest.

If it were one sided he could at least offer himself some piece of mind. The knowledge that this would not last, Damon would get bored and move on. A pipe dream. He hasn't seen his brother care this much about a person in over a century. And it was care; he fought Elena because she was precious to him. So precious. He wonders when it will all come to a head. Which fight will have them tearing fabric and fusing skin? What will it be about, will they finally call bullshit, succumb to their undeniable attraction? Will either of them consider him? Certainly not.

Damon would go behind Elena's back to protect her. She'll be furious that he can never just let her make her own decisions. Damon will tell her that her decisions are shit. That's how the dance will go. He doesn't know who will move first, but Elena will be backed against a wall in the dead of night. They won't be able to stop, to think, to reconsider. Stefan will cease to exist the second their lips meet. That's how it will happen, he knows it.

But when will it happen? Because he can see how hard they fight against it. Damon so unused to love, too stubborn to fall again. Sweet Elena too young to recognize when she's fighting a losing battle.

If only he were a good person, if only he were selfless and kind. He would leave, take himself out of the equation because he knows the outcome. Except he can't. He won't go, not until she makes him. He loves her, the part of her she lets him have. They may be blind but he knows the truth. Stefan is loving Elena on borrowed time, and he will take what he can get.


	4. Ready or Not

**Title: Ready or Not**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: He said he wanted her to get everything she wanted. So why is he being so damn difficult?  
**

**Pairing: Damon/Elena**

**AN: got the idea from the last lines of Heart of Darkness by Kerribethh "I can do what I want" "No, you can't"**

* * *

There have been bangs and booms and crashes echoing through the house for hours now, or at least Bonnie thinks it's been hours. It could have been minutes. Or it could have been days. In the last few months she had become desensitized to the sounds emitted from the west hallway. She wonders, not for the first time, how the walls are still standing. "So they're awake then" she says by way of greeting.

"They are always awake." Jeremy can't help the bitterness that leaks into the statement. He was tired, cranky and frankly going a little deaf. Regardless, it was the truth; they were _always_ awake. He's about a hundred percent sure they've both boycott sleep rather than waste precious fighting time. It had been this way for months, ever since Elena turned, ever since they all moved into the Boarding house, ever since Stefan left with Klausentyler. Ever since Elena had cornered Damon demanding answers to questions she had no right to ask.

"And just where the hell do you think you're going?" With or without vampire hearing it's impossible to miss the disbelief in Elena's voice, as if Damon's walking out on her had been scientifically disproven. Selfishly Jeremy can only think of the few precious hours he'll be able to sleep while Damon is gone.

"Out! Not that it concerns you." No really, Bonnie is astounded by the structural integrity of the century old home, the walls don't even shake as Damon slammed the door behind him. No one flinches, in this house quiet was more disruptive.

Caroline doesn't know who started this fight, but she knew he'd end it; he always ends it. She sits in the couch with her cosmo and tries valiantly to disappear beneath the cushions while Damon charges down the stairs. She just got home and really wasn't in the mood to play confidant to her enraged sire. Apparently she hadn't hid well enough because Damon's hand is around her wrist dragging her out of the front door.

Elena watches from the top of the stairs and it takes everything in her not to rip Caroline's heart out. Every. Single. Time. After a fight he storms off, grabs Care and disappears for hours. She knows he misses Ric; knows that Caroline is one of the few people he can more than tolerate. She knows that Caroline is her best friend, and would never cross that line, but it's still hard. So hard to see him with anyone when he can barely look at her without contempt in his eyes. The tears are uncontrolled, same as the rage, and the jealously and the love. She did this to them, and he won't talk to her long enough to let her fix it.

"He doesn't want you by default" Matt doesn't want to get involved, but no one else has the balls to put Elena in her place anymore. "You chose Stefan. That 'met you first' bullshit you threw at him? Weak. Technically you met me before either of them and I wasn't even in the running. Then you turned, and magically two memories changed your entire outlook on what love is." Matt looks at Bonnie for a little assistance, because he really doesn't know where he's going with this. Thankfully she backs him up.

"You knew he loved you sweetie, and everyone could see the instant connection between you… so those memories were nothing and yet they changed everything. And Stefan left while you were still trying to sort it all out. He feels like a fall back, and you're asking for forever." They're smart enough to leave her to her thoughts. There was a reason no one had broached the subject with her before. Hell hath no fury…

It's hours before she can admit any wrong doing. They were right, for Damon those memories meant nothing. But they meant something to her. That even when he showed up cold and murderous he was still nice to her. That Stefan had to follow her for months making sure she wasn't Katherine, while Damon had just trusted her word. It means something that Damon had been willing to let her go, that he loved her enough to shoulder all the guilt. Damon tried to save her, from everything, even from herself. Before he almost died, before Stefan left, before they spent months relying on each other, he had plagued her mind. Consumed her heart without ever trying. So yeah, those two memories changed everything.

Elena finds him at the grill, Caroline nowhere to be found instead a lovely whore sits firmly in his lap. He might was well paint a target on her back. Her instincts take over and before she can realize it, the redheaded skank is on the floor a few feet away. She should probably be appalled by her behaviour but considering that what she _really_ wanted to do was reach down the bitch's throat and rip out her spinal cord… well she just can't bring herself to care much. No one touched what was hers.

"Look, I know you may not agree or like the way I came to this decision but too bad. I'm here, and I chose and it's you. You love me and I love you. So you can fight that, and fight me but you're mine" she growls the last part, territorial and possessive in a way only he can appreciate. His eyes go black with lust and something inside her begins to purr with anticipation. "Now let's go home before I start eliminating the competition." She turns her back walking out the way she came in. There is barely enough blood left in his brain to message Barbie. It would be in everyone's best interests if they found somewhere else to sleep tonight.


	5. The Great Escape

**Title: The Great Escape**

**Rating: K**

**Summary: He lets go of any life he knew before. Now it's just them and the eternity ahead. **

**Pairing: Damon/Caroline(Friendship with maybe a little extra implied)**

* * *

They disappear one night just get in the car and go. She'd been expecting it, already had her bags packed. The council wanted her head, their heads and if Elena hadn't turned they would have been gone weeks ago. She doesn't ask him where they're going, it doesn't matter. Nothing mattered much to either of them anymore. Maybe that's why she's not surprised when he tosses his phone out the window. Or why she doesn't bat an eye when they abandon the car at the airport. It should scare her to leave everything behind, but life had never gone the way it should for her.

Damon wants to flip his switch, it wouldn't be so hard keeping it off not anymore and the temptation is nearly crippling. But then he turns his head just so and sees her fighting sleep beside him. He's not so nice turned on, turned off he's a nightmare and she doesn't deserve that. She deserves so much better than the life he's offering, better than the life he put her through when he first arrived in mystic falls. Instead he decides to let go of his old life, of all his old lives. He can be anyone he wants to be, and he wants to be good to her. Mostly because if he isn't she'll leave, and he needs someone to stay, for once.

It isn't a full twenty-four hours before Elena calls, just like she knew she would. Skipping over pleasantries like 'hello' demanding to speak to him. Damon doesn't even give her a chance to ask before he throws her phone over the balcony. A part of her wants to get upset, but she doesn't have the strength to deal with Elena either so she lets it go. A few weeks later she buys a new phone, calls her (former?) best friend and makes it clear that Damon was off limits. It's her job to protect him now; she was all he had left. And he was all she had, solely hers… by circumstance? By choice?

They stumble into Italy, she stays in the home where his mother grew up. He closes himself off the entire time. Showing her the sights during the day and disappearing at night. He swears that she isn't the problem; no, he hasn't grown tired of her company. The explanation comes without warning while his eyes are clued to the shoreline, it's a story about the first woman to ever love him and how he failed her. After that the air tastes like misery so they leave the next day. She tells him they'll come back when he can really show it to her. She needs a friend not a tour guide. Damon wants to give her Italia he just isn't ready yet. But someday, he promised.

She asks him once, only once… why her? Those impossibly blue eyes stare at her for hours. He doesn't breathe, or move, just stares. She almost gives into him, almost lets him off the hook but this is forever they're dealing with. It was imperative for her to know, to be sure he wasn't just going to abandon her too. "You were the only one left I cared about… that cared about me back." She wants to call bullshit would remind him of Elena but doesn't. She wants to say that Stefan loves him but they've been gone for years and Stefan's name had yet to appear on her phone. Maybe when the Elena-fog cleared from his mind Stefan would remember he had a brother.

After a few decades she starts getting lazy with her phone. He stays out of it for a while but eventually he's the one to pick it up, to put it to her ear and force the words out of her mouth. He doesn't want her to deny the companionship of others simply because she's all he's got. Damon makes it a point to tell her it's okay to care about people other than him. The words don't make much of a difference though, because one day her phone is nowhere to be found. It's not their first fight, it won't be their last but it means the most to them. She loves her friends, could never forget them but she doesn't need them nor do they need her. And frankly she had better things to do with their eternity than sit on the phone and make nice with people she doesn't need. Selfishly, he's never loved her more.

She falls in love with Germany. It's probably the happiest place on earth. Damon makes a quip about their need to make up for the war. Apparently after your ancestors try and 'cleanse' the populous the young make amends by becoming hippies. They hunt at sunset, party in the streets at dawn. They end the night by getting day drunk before rolling into bed at noon. Her life changes one afternoon when they joined in a game of double dutch by a pair of drag queens. She's never heard Damon laugh from his soul, never seen him smile from his heart… she doesn't think anyone has. A part of her falls in love in Germany too.

When enough time has passed he reluctantly offers to take her back to Mystic Falls. It was a big mistake on his part considering she doesn't talk to him for days. After that she refuses to plan ahead, to think past what they are doing as they do it. They agree to never go back, to never look back. The days start to blend together, the months lose their meaning. There are moments when the sun is high and others where millions of stars shine. She always buys him a cake before the harvest not caring how close together some of his birthdays seem. He watches her dance under the full moon, on beaches or cliffs or hillsides. They lose track of time or maybe time loses track of them.


	6. Love Hurts

**Title: Love Hurts**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: Apparently she missed the memo where honesty became any kind of policy much less the best. **

**Pairing: Damon/Elena**

******AN: so there's no confusion, Elena's been a vampire for five years, with Damon for four.**

* * *

Rule number one of keeping secrets from your boyfriend; **do not!** leave your phone lying around. She learned that in middle school, it was a rookie mistake. Now her relationship was hanging on the thinnest thread of life. When Stefan first started calling her Elena really had meant to tell Damon. No, really she had. The timing was just off. That had been a busy time for them and they couldn't avoid to waste any time fighting. So she waited for a lull, granted it took longer than she anticipated. By then it was be too late, the small disagreement she'd hope for was a pipe dream once he found out that she had kept something like that from him for weeks. So instead she resolved to not tell him, _may have_ _demanded Stefan do the same._

Months of duplicity all brought to an end by one trip to the bathroom. Why was Stefan calling her in the middle of the night anyways? He'd never done that before. Not that Damon believed her. Words like, harmless and friendship meant nothing to him. Now she's crying and screaming and pleading whlie Damon can't even bring himself to look at her.

Ever the fool, he honestly thought they were passed this. It was laughable really, that after all his years on earth he could be fooled by an 18 year old new born. Things had been hard in the beginning, and they'd had to work through so much. The doubts, the insecurities. He'd let them all go for her so that he could be with her. So they would finally _finally_ have a real shot. Stefan left not long after that, wanted to give them time he said. Damon was so blind. She was still test driving him. Giving him a chance at a relationship with Stefan in the wings waiting for it to fail. Because of course it would. Of course he would.

But she could have just told him that. It wasn't like he had any pride left, any dignity or self-respect. Not when it came to her. She could have told him and he would have leapt at the chance. Would have convinced himself that he could change her mind. Delusional is what he was, how could he expect her to ever move passed Stefan; her one true love, her perfect future, her saviour. He should have taken Katherine up on her offer. It wasn't too late, she said told him to find her whenever he got tired of being second best. And boy was he tired.

Damon started packing on autopilot. Somewhere in his mind he could hear her, could feel his heart break with every sob but he couldn't allow himself to care. Not anymore, he would never care again. He doesn't spare her a single glance. Maybe he owed her more, owed their relationship more but all he can think about is all the things she owed him. For the last eight years he'd given everything for her, and yes he'd made mistakes, egregious mistakes but everything he had, everything he was belonged to her. He deserved for that to work both ways.

Elena throws her phone against the door when he goes to open it. He pauses just long enough for her to fit herself between him and his departure. She was _just_ starting to feel like she deserved him. For four years she had made it her mission to love him the way he loved her, to make up for all the heartache she had put him through. And she threw that all away for what? Ten minute conversations a few days a month. Threw away her forever because when she was human the world revolved around Stefan and she was afraid of what it meant to completely stray from that life? She didn't owe her past anything, she owed Damon.

She unclasps the chain around her neck. It's the first time she's been without it, and the loss leaves her feeling naked and vulnerable. All the same she holds it out to him. It's dramatic, but rightly so. Vampire emotions are a different world entirely, her devotion, her guilt, her love for him… she would never move on from that. Its emotional blackmail of the highest order but it's all she has. Message clearly sent.

"I won't love anyone else. And I won't spend eternity missing you." She refused to spend an eternity in misery, missing him, hating herself, imagining other women in his bed. It would drive her mad.

He wants to call her bluff, but there isn't one. Elena doesn't believe in empty threats. Sometimes he truly hates how alike they were. How she knows with certainty that they would both rather walk into the light than live in a world without each other.

"I don't want you talking to him." Stefan was his brother, and there would come a time when they could stand to be around each other again. Elena could have a friendship with him when there was no doubt about where the lines were drawn.

"I wont." She doesn't need Stefan.

He fits the necklace back into place. Message received.

"I don't forgive you." How sick is that, how twisted. He knows he may never be able to forgive her for this and yet still he takes her by the hand leading the way back to their bed. A part of her heart would never be his, forever his brother's; always Stefan's. So really he should let her go, let her have that. Too bad he wasn't built that way. A part of her heart was his. He owned her body. Knew her mind. He would never relinquish his claim to her. A fact he makes sure she never forgets.

"Just don't ever leave." Those are her only terms. He didn't have to forgive her, never had to trust her again. So long as he stayed she would spend forever making amends. She knows it isn't healthy, knows that if she was truly good she would let him go. There was someone, maybe thousands of someones out in the world more worthy of him, that would never think to hurt him. Unfortunately for them they would never get the chance. True to her nature Elena would sooner kill ten thousand faceless strangers than surrender his love.


	7. Place Holder

**Title: Place Holder**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: Even from afar she still manages to interfere. **

**Pairing: Damon/Bonnie**

* * *

She'd been distracted for a while. But being the good boyfriend that he was Damon let it slide. For weeks he understood the need to focus on school, her craft, and all the supernatural drama that seemed to followed their little group. She was just preoccupied, became the mantra that go him through the days. It was summer now, and they were finally in bed not sleeping. So why the distance between them only seem greater.

"Enough." Adding physically distance to the steady growing chasm. "Bonnie what's wrong?" She should not be able to ignore his lips against her skin. This was his best work and there were no goosebumps, no shiver, her pulse was steady and her eyes vacant. He might as well not even be there.

She can feel him staring at her. Feel the doubt that had been consuming him almost as long as it had been consuming her. The question he dare not ask. The question she wasn't ready to answer. _Was this the end? _In the back of her mind, the bottom of her heart she knew the day would come. Had always been aware of the inevitable, even thought she'd prepared for it, . But god it felt as if her soul was being ripped in two. "Elena called."

He wants to give her the gold medal for evasion tactics. It wasn't that Elena was taboo, but she wasn't really something they discussed. She was off in Europe with his brother, and from what Stefan had to say she still didn't have any idea what to do with her life. Oh well. He doesn't care about Elena's latest misadventure. He cared about what was going on with them. "Good for her."

"She's coming back." Was he seriously going to make her spell it out? Was he that cruel? Maybe he was trying to push her, make this her decision… well he could shove that right up his ass. He would not manipulate her to lessen his own guilt. As petty as it may be, as small a person as it made her. She would make him hurt like hell.

"Funny, Stefan didn't mention a visit." Fine, she wins. He brings his lips back to her shoulder, hoping to end the pointless conversation. She didn't want to talk fine, he would fix the problem the good old fashioned way.

"Without Stefan. They aren't together anymore." She waits for it. Waits for the disbelief, the hidden hope that would undoubted saturate his voice. Waits for the question she knows he'll ask, the reluctant conclusion he'll try to focus on. Damon doesn't disappoint.

"For how long? Their break-ups are always so short lived. Is she sure it's worth the airfare." Even from half way across the world Elena was ruining his life. Not only would he have to deal with a broodier than usual brother but he'd also have to placate an insecure girlfriend for however long this particular identity crisis lasted.

"He left her, something about not being a substitute, and deserving more than a substitute." The irony isn't lost on her. But hey! three years, it had been a good run at least. "She's coming home, Damon." Bonnie wants out of her skin but she settles for simply jumping out of bed, their bed or... well no it just his again. God, it would take her at least a day to clear her stuff out. Not to mention the amount of time it would take to make her house livable again. When was the last time she'd actually spent a full day there. Would it still feel like home? What about her car, he bought it for her… sure it was a gift but she couldn't keep it now. She couldn't keep any of them. Three years worth of gifts, memories, feelings to sort through and move past. This was such a mess.

He approaches her like a wounded animal. She's mumbling about gifts and time, loss and home. There are tears streaming down her face that he's pretty sure she isn't even aware of and the whole thing just breaks his heart. Did she really think that after the last few years all it would take was a phone call… that all Elena had to do was show up?

He wants to tell her how wrong she is. He wants to tell her how much he loves her, how happy he is. He wants to tell her that he's moved on and that Elena wasn't a threat to them. But he doesn't because he already knows she won't believe him, that she's never believed him. It was the reason behind both their insecurities. His lie in her refusal to claim him. How absolutely ludicrous the idea was since she '_knew_' one day he would leave. Hers in the knowledge that when he left it would be, could only be for one person.

So he doesn't say anything. Just carries her weeping and mumbling back to their bed. He kisses her even though her eyes are distant and mind is somewhere else. The further he goes the more her body responds. It kills a part of his soul to know he's the one doing this to her, hurting her this way. He reassures her in the only way she'll let him. Her eyes come into focus, and there's a fire behind them that he's never seen before. "I'm not going to make it easy for you. I love you too much to just lay down and die." Bonnie touches him like she's trying to set him on fire from the inside out, and he reciprocates tenfold.

In the end they're both coming down from a blood high, exhausted and scared to death. Neither of them want her to be right. He wants more than anything to lull her to sleep with his convictions. Wants to tell her she has nothing to worry about, to laugh in the face of her uncertainty. But it's Elena. And when he screws up she's usually the cause. Even when he doesn't want to, even when he tries his damnedest not to. No matter his intentions.

Damon crushes her body against his. Holding on to the point of pain but she doesn't seem to mind, not with her limbs and hands fighting to get closer. Impossible. He empties his mind of anything besides the way she feels against him. The sound of her breath, taste of her blood and the smell of her arousal. He limits the world to this bedroom, in this moment. Because as much as he loves her, as quickly as he would die for her... he can't bring himself to tell her she's wrong.


	8. Lovers and Friends

**Title: Lovers and Friends**

**Rating: K**

**Summary: She calls. It's not completely terrible. In fact he might even look forward to it. **

**Pairing: Damon/Katherine**

**AN: Wording this was super super hard. So warning it may seem off. And yes, I have an obsession with Italia.  
**

* * *

It's been a few days since she's called him and that familiar ache has started to set in. She doesn't remember when it started, maybe a year or two ago? Whenever it was, something possessed her, she swears. Katherine had gone a hundred and forty-eight years without ever contacting Damon Salvatore. Then suddenly, less than a decade since their last encounter her ears burned with the need to hear his voice. Never one to deny herself anything, the phone was ringing before she even has a chance to second guess herself. The first time they talk about nothing. It probably doesn't even last ten minutes but it changes something. Something so big that she doesn't even hesitate to call the next night, or the next, or the one after that.

If you asked him why he'd answered the phone he wouldn't be able to tell you. Perhaps he'd answered because something felt different. It was a little past midnight, he was in a crowded bar and her name lit his screen as a surprisingly welcomed distraction. All red flags considered it was disturbing he'd actually answered her call. But he had. That night and every night since. There was this new aspect to their relationship that he found irresistible. Damon had Katherine had existed for a long time, but he'd never seen Katherine as anything short of a challenge; always a conquest, always a hunt. Perhaps he kept answering because it was like he'd finally caught her, sort of. They were friends?

She admits casually her regret for the way things had gone. For inspiring the notion that there was something in him that needed to be fixed. The truth was; like her, Damon had a darkness that was raw, and passionate; real. And most people hid from that, too scared to admit that life wasn't always pretty, wasn't always fair. The truth was that despite her own darkness Elena was one of those people. Which was tragic for him, because Katherine knew better than anyone that darkness was power. And power was nothing short of gorgeous. Almost as tragic was Damon's mood change whenever her doppelganger was mentioned. It's a different sort of darkness, one that speaks more of weakness than power. One she does not enjoy. So Katherine makes it a point to never really bring up Elena. One night, she hears silk sheets brush against naked skin and a voice that sounds a lot like her own. The question is out of her mouth before she can stop it, receiving a disgruntled 'it's complicated' by way of explanation. She doesn't ask again.

He calls her, once. It happens during daylight hours and is never repeated. With the change in pattern he's admitting to actually _wanting_ to talk to her, and oddly enough Damon's okay with that. More than anything he should be bothered by how much it doesn't bother him. Never mind that it's barely sunrise. Or that he's leaving his bourbon behind. Not to mention the fact that he's putting aside a fight with Elena, and the fact that she hadn't come home. Yeah, it should bother him that he was choosing to lie in bed and call Katherine but once she answers he just can't bring himself to care. He can hear Greece in the background. It's as if his soul means to reach through the phone the way he starts to long for it. For the allure of the old world, the his freedom of his old life. Her. He admits that a little too willingly. But she invites him to join her just as quickly, so he knows it's okay. Elena walks through the door before he can give an answer. She brings with her an unknown emotion, one he doesn't explore.

She's sitting on a beach in Italy and it's impossible not to think of him. The ocean a reflection of his eyes. She runs her hands through the sand feeling instead his calloused palm. The air even tastes like him, it isn't humanly possible but it's true. This isn't Italy, not the way it's known now. No, Katherine is sitting on a beach in Italia. Her dress blowing gently in the summer wind as the moon shines down bathing her body in light. The world feels like an old black and white film, and yes that was a feeling. It's classic, almost too beautiful, a lot like him. Her curls twirl behind her perfectly, and the men bow their heads with grace and charm. The scene screams Damon, achingly so. Katherine has never wanted him by her side more than she does in that moment. She wants to hear the roughness of his voice. To be completely surrounded by his presence. But the thought of hearing her own voice in the background... it hurts, so badly she can physically feel the pieces of her heart break.

In the end she just cherishes this piece of him that is completely untainted, completely hers. She can call him another night.


	9. The World It's A Relative Term

**Title: "The World" It's A Relative Term**

**Rating: K+  
**

**Summary: One would think she'd been compelled to forget.**

**Pairing: Damon/Elena**

**AN: RANT Kay let's get something straight, Damon didn't compel Elena into anything. I know that all of us would love to give her an out for being so completely and utterly stupid/young/naive/whatthefuckever but the conversations before compulsion were just that, conversation. What matters is what he said specifically when his pupils were dilated. Which was "I wish you didn't have to forget this but you do" and "Right now I need you to forget this happened. Can't have people to knowing I'm in town just yet". Period. He didn't compel her into loving/staying with Stefan and he sure as fuck didn't compel her into thinking he wasn't good enough to be her choice. If that were the case she never would have fallen for him at all, always knowing he wasn't good enough, wasn't what she wanted. And he told her in Rose that he didn't deserve her yet she sees the good in him.**

**So by default, I'm right. Same with the whole beating heart thing!If their hearts didn't beat ripping them out wouldn't be fatal and Damon would have known he was kissing katherine, and Klaus would have known he wasn't talking to Elena and there's a bunch of other evidence I'm not going to beat you over the head with. I know this is the place where we just put out what we want and I am genuinely NOT trying to offend anyone, or belittle their thoughts/ideas/writinng. I have to read the stories to know it's being said, and I'm reading them because they are good so really don't take offense. It just irks me because I don't think Elena deserves the out ****and there are more stories than not I just can't wrap my head around it.  
**

**LIFE LESSONS on the house! ****I don't think anyone fictional or otherwise deserves 'the benefit of the doubt' or to be thrown a bone, or given a second chance simply because they ask for it. You make decisions you live with the consequences. Even if you didn't _mean _to hurt someone you still did, just say sorry, just be sorry. ****Don't find trivial facts to justify why you just "had" to do/think/say what you did. ****It's not the end of the world to cause of someone else's discomfort. You weren't put on this earth to please every single person you come across. Oh and fyi: Yes, there is a way to be sorry for hurting someone but not sorry for what you did ie. I'm sorry breaking up with my ex hurt him, not sorry we broke up. Elena can be sorry for hurting Stefan without hating the fact that she has feelings for Damon which in turn make Damon feel like a piece of trash. **

**Also, I don't even like Stelena, like at all but it's just plain rude to diminish that entire relationship to something that has nothing to do with either Stefan and Elena. Just like it's plain disgusting that Elena's only validation for being with Stefan has nothing to do with the present, of who she is now, or who he seems to be and everything to do with people from three years ago that no longer fucking exist! In the same way that it's disrespectful for you to deny responsibility for your actions when they affect more then just you. Imagine if your spouse told you that the only reason they were with you was because three years ago they promised you forever, but if you asked them to make that promise based on the last year alone they couldn't do it? You'd probably feel like ass. Wanna know why? because people are constantly evolving, so relationships are constantly changing, meaning the reason you stay together has to be cemented in the present cuz that's the only time that's genuinely true to who you are. Anyways, the point I was trying to make before I went all Dr. Phil was that while I love Damon, the world doesn't revolve around him… Expect in this story because I like the irony of it. **

* * *

She doesn't know why she fought so hard against this. Being a vampire was amazing. Okay she could do without some of the intensity, and drinking blood was still a little weird but all in all she shouldn't have been so against this life. This was the life where she and Damon could stay in bed for days, literally. Sleep was mostly optional, and they had opted out pretty often. More inclined to touching and kissing, than napping and rest.

Being a vampire meant that even though she felt hunger they could both go at least a few days without blood. A week if they fed off each other. And they did, often. Which should be another individual perk. A blood bond when she was human would have been a mockery of what they shared now. Just another way she would have never been good enough for him, but now they were perfect.

Everything was flawless. Because she was his and her was hers. The space they were in smelled like their joint and constant arousal. The air tasted of their love. His skin. She could go on for days about his skin. And there were no words in any language that could to justice to his eyes. Or his body. Or the passion fueling his love for her. In fact the more Elena thought about it, the more even her own thoughts seemed lacking. She couldn't even adequately describe the inadequacy of language. To say the world, their world was perfect was near heresy, such a gross understatement.

Well perfect except for the bees. Wait… bees? There couldn't be bees it was the middle of december. But the buzzing, what else buzzed. There is a noise in her ear that makes her wish she were deaf. Not only was it incessant but it's distracting, enraging really. His hands were all over her body in this perfect room in their perfect world. And instead of getting lost in it she was trying to find that stupid buzzing thing, that thing that wasn't a bee.

She has no choice but to separate from him. Getting out of bed takes all of her energy. It is physically painful to look at him, so inviting with that pout on his face and not return to the bed. She'll make it up to him, just the second she finds that thing. Finds it and kills it. She's on the ground, hand and knees crawling. Even with heightened senses she has no idea where the offense is coming from, it seems to reverberate through the room. Buzzing, and buzzing, she can practically feel it. Wait… no, she can actually feel it. Like a vibration. What kind of parasite vibrates while it buzzes. From the look on Damon's face he knows exactly what she's looking for. Too amused to hel- AHA!

Well it's not a parasite. This… this whatever it is, was hers. She knows it's hers but what exactly is it? Damon's booming laughter is like a bucket of cold water.

It all comes rushing back to her. Caroline and her bubbly personality, playing Barbies in the backyard. Bonnie in gymnastics making faces behind Ms. Issy's back. Her best friends. Her two guardian angels, hidden beneath warrior paint and loyalty. It was like being turned all over again only this time she hadn't been compelled. There was a world outside these four walls, there were people other than the two of them. It was too easy to forget.

She gives him a sheepish grin. Before it gives away to anger. His smirk a little too smug. He always let her suffer through her episodes instead of helping. Then again why should he help when he reaped all the rewards. Not that he had earned them exactly, nothing to take pride in really, just another side effect of being a new born.

Their consuming love had turned into something unexplainable. Proven in the way she could and would forget everything. Her friends. Her brother, the last of the Gilberts. The last thing she had tying her to her parents and humanity. The boy who still snuck into her room while she was at school to read her diary when he was running low on blackmail material. Nevermind hunting, that thing she needed to do to stay alive, took a back seat to the main event.

Whenever she was alone with Damon it was as if nothing else mattered to her. As if nothing else even existed to matter. For her, the world literally shrunk down to them, and whatever space they were in. He promised she'd get the hang of it soon, once her emotions stabilized but for the outside world made sure to call her, or visit. Often, you know, to remind her they existed.


	10. An Indistinguishable Pair

**Title: An Indistinguishable Pair**

**Rating: K**

**Summary: No one knows how alike they truly are.**

**Pairing: Elena and Katherine (Friendship)**

**AN: Do story ideas just randomly pop in to your head while you're doing homework, or am I the only one?**

* * *

She comes here because she trust the falls to drown out her voice. To hide their conversations from the world. She comes here because it reminds her of him. She feels safe here in her hidden cove.

"Why didn't you choose him?" It's surprising the question has just come up now. These phone calls have been happening for quite some time now. Maybe they needed to build trust, or maybe they needed to finally grow a pair. Maybe Elena hadn't cared before, or maybe she was too afraid of the answer. It was bad enough that they shared the same body, same disgust for pickles, the same love of a man. Could their fragile relationship handle more sharing?

Katherine doesn't know which sound she's focusing on. The cascade in front of her or the one coming through the phone. Probably the latter, considering the former is nothing but a poor substitute. He took her there once, he took them both there only once. She doesn't want to answer. She almost refuses. This was hers, the only thing she had left. But what did that even mean? Nothing, that's what. Because even If she doesn't answer, her other half will know. She can't even chastise herself for the thought. Elena truly is her other half, two identical sides to the same coin. The words tumble from her lips because she needs to say them, because there is only one person she trusts to hear them. "Because Damon and I would have burned the world down around us. Wouldn't have been able to control it. Too dark, too in love to care about frivolous things like collateral damage. But it would have caught up with him eventually, the guilt. I couldn't live with myself, breaking him like that. Guess that's the irony of it all? My one selfless act and it broke him anyway."

This used to scare her, the thought that one day she would become Katherine. So many sleepless nights wasted. Irony, thy name is Petrova. If she'd only cared a little less, been a little more selfish. She would have him, the one they both needed. Who knew she would have repeated Katherine's mistakes instead of learning from them? "Why did you choose Stefan?" She knew the question was coming but still, it hit her like a freight train through the gut. Leave it to Katherine to phrase it so perfectly; her trump card. She was the one that was strong enough to walk away from them both. Elena didn't have the same clear conscious. No, she'd chosen someone ahead of him. As if there was really a world where Damon Salvatore could ever come in second. At least she hadn't sat by while he spent 147 years trying to free her. So maybe they're even, still unmistakably the same.

"Just being near Damon takes everything in me. I need to love him every second of every minute. And I want to, I want to devote every breath I take until I'm drowning in him. I just couldn't… there was no wa- I was too scared. I didn't think I could love him without losing sight of myself, so I loved less. He never would have left me, rather settle, for me, even though I didn't deserve him. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself, so I settled instead. The irony of it all." They sigh in unison accepting of and exhausted by the truth. They had both tried to do right by him, both had failed. Two women with the same face, the same internal fire that drew him in like a moth to the flame. He'd never stood a chance.

They're silent after that. Even as the minutes pass into hours. Just silent and staring at the falls around them. A part of Elena is unsure that Katherine is even still on the phone, but she won't hang up. Can't let go of this last connection. The only person who will ever understand what it means to love without her heart. Because she loves Stefan, she does. And Jeremy. Caroline. Bonnie. She loves them all. But Damon is her heart and she had no idea where he was. Neither of them did.

Katherine lies all the time. But the biggest lies she saves for herself. She tells herself that she wouldn't have been strong enough for him back then, strong enough to actually be a good person. She pretends to believe that he'll move on, past them, someday willing to love again. She's certain of the improbability that she'll ever see him again, but says otherwise. The Petrova Women had broken what was probably the most beautiful creature to ever exist. This was their penance, this connection to the only other person on earth that could have saved him. They understand and resent each other in equal measure. Probably the same way he both loved and hated them with his whole heart.

She doesn't know if it's better or worse to stay with Stefan. In a way she does it for him. At least his brother was happy she tells herself. Sometimes she's sure her motivations are shared, Stefan helping carry the burden of their love. Both of them fighting to make Damon's loss, his pain, stood for something. They owed so much more, but gave all they could. He would want them to take care of each other. Sometimes she thinks of Katherine and how free she is to miss him openly, to wait patiently for the day when they meet again. It makes her so envious her skin crawls. Not even her dreams offer such sweet reprieve. Not for his brother's girl.

"When you see him please just…"

"You know I will, and you'll do the same?"

"I promise."

Just like that the conversation is over. Until next time when the guilt, remorse and sorrow threatens to consume their hearts. And they'll talk like old friends avoiding the direction they know the conversation will take. Then they'll make the promise they both loath and live for. Should they ever see him again, they would love him. For once the way he deserved to be loved. As if he'd even let them.


	11. Transcendence

**Title: Transcendence**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: He would sacrifice every living soul for hers. ****He just wanted her back to make sense of the world.**

**Pairing: Damon/Rose**

**Warning: Currently crying, and thinking about an ex who absolutely does not need to be on my mind. So forgive the morbidity.**

* * *

"Why me?"

He hates the look of pity in the teen's eye, but he can't feed, can't sleep, can't function. He has to know, needs to know_. _Why warn him, save him, help him. Why hold him, comfort him and care for him. Why be his rock, his conscience, his ally without expecting some sort of return payment. Why share his bed, caress his body and invade his thoughts.

Why could you see me like no one else. Why did you have to force your way in. Why was I so important to you when my own father shot me dead. Why did you come here, into this place, what was left of my heart only to leave. Why give me hope, short lived and all consuming. Why provide the question without an answer.

Why love me. Why hold these pieces, this broken man with such reverence. Why, when I was never good enough. Why did you not care, loved because not in spite of all the tar that marred my flesh. Why were you so devastatingly imperfect, the personification of beauty; undeniably scarred and utterly flawless.

Why did you feel like porcelain and spun silk. Why did your eyes shine like diamonds dripped in molten gold, even as they bled. Why did your tears tastes like salvation and your lips like home. Why were you everything. Why would you come to me, change me, make me over and leave me here with them. Why subject me to the torture. Why will they never know, never see, never caress like you. Why do they get to stay.

He didn't even really know what he was asking really. All of the above maybe, or none. Maybe it wasn't about light and goodness, and the scent of lavender across her skin. Maybe it was madness in the pitch black of night. No not night, life. The eerie darkness that had become his life; his soul as told by others. Too black, how could she not see… oh but she did. Maybe it was the musk of his failure filtered through her arousal. Maybe it was the contrast of his alabaster skin against her auburn locks. Maybe it was him, as told by her, through her. The background melody to a delicious nightmare. His story, her words.

"You were real. After five hundred years of things not being what they seemed, she wasn't about to turn her back on the last piece of truth the world had to offer… how could she not choose you"

She's still choosing him, always choosing him. Even though it was too late for them she stays after Jeremy leaves. He can feel her in the darkness. Or maybe in the small light that remains. _Rose_


	12. Discovering Dodge

**Title: Discovering Dodge  
**

**Rating: K  
**

**Summary: Not all changes are instantaneous. Sometimes you have to grow into them  
**

**Pairing: Pre? Damon/Elena**

* * *

Elena. Elena. Elena.

That's her name, isn't it? Yes. And by the impatient tone it's obviously been said one too many times. She mentally bookmarks her thoughts.

Nothing changes. She's still angled towards him, her head still tilted just so. She doesn't know how he does it. Her breathing, her heartbeat. Nothing changes and yet he knows exactly when she leaves and exactly when she comes back.

He says it's her eyes, that they come alive when she's really there. The fact that they are dead otherwise goes unsaid. She spends weeks in front of the mirror trying to see what he sees. It's just another piece of her only he has access to.

The conversation continues as though she had been paying attention all along. Apparently the troops were getting batty and were planning an escape of sorts. The kind of escape you treat like a time off but the weapon filled trunks, handbags packed with Wiccan herbs and grimores disguised as romantic novels give you away. Just a tad.

They never really stop, but they get close. As close as Damon can get them without risking their lives.

The thought almost takes her away again, so close to where she'd left off that its hard to remain there with him and not retreat back into her own mind.

She's used to relying on Damon, used to knowing that she would live for as long as he was able to keep her alive not one minute longer. Now, it seemed that everyone had taken refuge under her umbrella. & that changed something for her.

She doesn't know what happened, only that some point, between her first bloodbag and the drive home, the world had imploded and rebuilt itself without her. It's taken years but she understands, or is at least on the edge of understanding this new world.

They all move into the Boardinghouse, all except Matt. Matt with his kind eyes and unwavering goodness. He was put on a red eye aimed the hell out of dodge with nothing but the clothes on his back and enough money to forget he'd ever heard the words Mystic Falls. They didn't keep track of him and prayed he wasn't keeping track of them. That like the girls he had learned that there just wasn't a place for him in their world. They learn to taper the remorse with gratitude that at least one of them had gotten out.

It's Meredith who packs up Alaric's loft. She brings over the things she thought they should have and just never leaves. Too jaded to walk back out into a space she can no longer occupy. It's a past she can no longer connect to, so she stays. She is trained, pushed, fortified with a ferocity that should have scared her away but didn't. She was the new beacon, the new manifestation of humanity. She was the human they fought to keep alive. Not because of magic blood, or years of friendship. But because they were so damn tired of losing.

Tyler, who isn't Tyler, he moves in too. It's war for many months. Never ending battles of shame, rage and righteousness. They want to break apart, but they can't. This new world has linked them down to the very marrow of their bones. So after the war there is only an exhausted acceptance. Caroline is never able to truly grieve, halted by the tiny sliver of happiness she felt at Klaus' not death, happiness followed shortly by self-disgust. Damon smiles gleefully, unabashed because the now two year old hybrid is nothing in the grand scheme of their lives. Elena doesn't know how to mourn the loss of a boy whose face she sees every day, whose voice she hears late at night coaxing her best friend into his arms. She has a new respect for Jeremy and his ability to see those who aren't meant to be seen. Respect that is superseded by guilt for her part in stealing one of those people from him

Anna was the last part of his soul that was capable of hope. There was no Anna here, this Jeremy didnt hope. No this Jeremy, he steals his sister's blood while she's away and says goodbye to a past that stole everything from him. The last human breath of Jeremy Gilbert burns the last of their utopian delusions. There is no new or old world, only this now. This is their life. They stop fighting to change it. They simply fight to keep it. Perfect little warriors. Willing to kill, steal and con their way through all obstacles. Even Stefan does his part now, their Ripper in sheep's clothing.

They had failed. More times than she cares to count. They had failed because they hadn't listen, hadn't seen the things they needed to see. The things Damon saw. There was no greater good. There were no boundaries, no ethics, no morals when it came to protecting your own. There was no such thing as no. No line that could not be crossed. If it kept them alive, together, then it was worth whatever price they paid.

She's gone again, he doesn't bother to bring her back. It happened to them all. To every vampire that realized their eating habits weren't the only thing that had changed. When they realized the world is not the way they believed it to be. That it was not about roles and places, boxes and labels. The world was about choice. And the choice was about degrees of selfishness. About what you were willing to do to survive. Willing to do to live by your own terms. About the apologies you would not make.

He picks her up carrying her downstairs into the den where everyone was gathered. His eyes immediately go to the human. Their human. The last shred of humanity they have. Still alive. He sits them down on the couch, her in his lap, cradled in his arms; her safe place. This is where she'll be reborn. He can tell she's close, only a matter of time now.

It's still as night. The human sound asleep on the heath, watched vigilantly by all the creatures that go bump in the night. The only sound is Elena. Light, gasping and overwhelmed as if to take her first breath. But she doesn't breathe. Doesn't pretend to be something she's not. She looks at him, really looks. Not with the half awareness she's been sporting these last few years. No, it's with the precision sharpness of a predator.

At some point, between her first blood bag and the drive home, the world had imploded and rebuilt itself without her. She'd finally caught up.


	13. Love Letter To Myself

**Title: Love Letter to Myself  
**

**Rating: K  
**

**Summary: Above all else, Damon was a survivor.  
**

**Pairing: Damon/Happiness **

* * *

The words never changed regardless of the conviction and desperation that seeped from her voice as she begged. The yellowing crumpled paper held a message that would forever remain, even as tears blurred her vision. Language which had always been her ally now left her to rot. Content and form had abandoned her. Without life, weak and stupid, disoriented and alone. Leaving behind a shell of the person he had once known. His words were heartbreak saturated in ink and blood. She hated him for always being right. But nothing compared to the her own self-loathing for never proving him wrong.

_My dearest Elena,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good health. I'm sure it's become obvious that I have moved on. Not from you, but from that life from everything that was intrinsically but never truly mine. I made you a promise and I regret it__ to the very core of my being__, not for the reasons you're thinking but because I knew even then that one day I would no longer be welcome by your side. I was a placeholder and while I held that position with pride the day has come sweet 'lena. It's up to you now. Your life is your own. I wouldn't trust__ it __with__ anyone else and neither should you. If you don't mind protecting your mortality as ferociously as I did that would greatly appreciated. I can only imagine all the things you are burning to say to me, go ahead. Your rage will no doubt transcend all of the barriers between us. However I will not be compelled into guilt. One day, you'll die under someone else's watch. I'm sorry. One day, I won't be in love with you and it won't matter what you do or don't feel towards me. You're welcome. I'm warning you that this will be the day you finally figure it out. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are young. But that does not give you permission to waste time. Don't look for me Elena, nor plead with me to be patient. We can both agree that you're are not the type to ignore expectations. Whether you are too weak or too strong to make a decision with such heavy consequences I don't know. What I do know is that you would rather wait until I choose for you, and that I would let you pretend to hate me for it. I'm sure you've realized by now that this letter will not provide the explanation you were seeking when you entered my room. I have nothing more to give you Miss Gilbert, you know the answers and in time you will come to accept them. I would say goodbye but... I am still as much in denial as you.  
_

_Sincerely, temporarily yet forever yours, _

_Damon Jax Salvatore  
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	14. Homeward Bound

**Title: Homeward Bound **

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: There's this feeling you get once you're home, in your heart and in your mind. Peace, contentment. Excitement to rediscover the place where you became you. **

**Pairing: Damon/Elena Damon/Bonnie**

**AN: Just gonna say, Elena(cannon) really needs to fucking clue in that the person you go to whenever life tries to screw you is the person you should always have by your side, the're called "your rock" and they aren't meant to be second choice. Season four I'm watching you! AND Damon and Alarics moment made me cry to not, which made me hate everyone all the more because if they just freaking listened to Damon Ric would still be alive. **

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Damon hadn't moved in thirty six hours. Not since she left. Not since she'd asked him to choose.

He wanted to stop her, truly. He wanted nothing more than to drag her back and kiss away the pain. To rock their bodies together, hip to hip until the light return to her eyes. But he hadn't. Couldn't? Didn't. Five years. He had let five years walk out the door. Five years of honesty, of trust and genuine love. For what exactly he didn't know. Maybe that was why he couldn't ask her to stay, why he couldn't lie and tell her he'd already made his choice. wHEN he didn't even know what the options were. Enter in his one true love. Good old southern bourbon. Decanter full, glass never empty before a roaring fire. It was so him and yet so foreign. He hadn't had the time to wallow in a drunken stupor. He'd been too busy. with life, his life, their life. The one they had fought for, that their friends had died for. A normal life. Or as normal as a vampire and witch could get. So the first few hours were really spent trying to not do things. Now its a fight to stay in his seat instead of picking her up after class, or making dinner while she studied or watching a movie before bed. Because she drove herself to school yesterday, and since she hadn't come home there to cook for and their, his… the bed was empty.

Thirty seven hours, fourteen minutes and twenty-six seconds since the door had close behind her. A part of her wished she could go back and undo the last day and a half. The other part remembers bitterly why she left in the first place, how she knew he wouldn't stop her. No, he'd let her leave. Just allow her to walk away. She who had loved him with all that was in her capable of love, she who had fought against everyone who cared about her to be with him. She who had never made him second choice but always, solely her only option. That's what she tells Caroline hurts the most, the reason behind her tears. Whether this is it, or not doesn't matter. What matters is that he fought harder, was more dedicated, more in love with someone who had always considered him an afterthought. After five years, that is where she stands.

Elena stands in her family home. She runs her hand though her hair while her eyes take it all in. She sees nothing. The Gilbert House is a void, a time paradox. A place the world had left behind. with its mementos and nostalgic good intentions. Statically indifferent to the last decade when everything she had known to be true became a lie and every lie she told herself proceeded to blow up in her face. She strains to find her brother's scent, struggles to tie herself to this place to anchor herself to someone. Maybe she is meant to be lost; maybe that is her penance for all those wrong choices. Maybe she should have gone to Denver, to Jeremy and make a new life instead of coming back here. But _he_ wasn't in Denver, his presence echoed through this paradoxical place. His scent remaining in the places where dust should have settled, he'd kept this place whole for her. Waiting, knowing she would return.

Is that what he'd done… waited for her? Was that the reason he couldn't bear to let the dirt collect in an abandoned home. Was he waiting for her still? He didn't stop Bonnie because he knew she would come, knew that when she did he wanted nothing in their way. No obstacles between them and happily forever after. It fit, but it didn't make sense. He loves Bonnie, as surely as he have loved, did love? Elena. He's never doubted that, until now.

Caroline didn't doubt that Damon loved Bonnie, but she would admit that she wasn't sure if the same was true of Damon. So blinded and broken from the Petrova years, she wasn't sure he could recognize much less trust his own feelings. But she knew. It's the reason he stopped hunting, the reason he lives in a town he hates, the reason he has Sunday dinner with a childe that would love nothing more than to drive a stake through his heart. Bonnie knows too, it's why she chose to stop aging. Its why she let go of all the prejudice she had towards vampires, its why she finally truly accepted her place in the supernatural world.

She doesn't know where she fits anymore, the world has changed so drastically and her former point of reference was somewhere in Japan banging a look-a-like. It's sad really, and feminists everywhere probably wanted to shake her but she really doesn't know who she is without Stefan. Or rather in relation to Stefan. She fought to be normal for him, to be hope for him, to be the embodiment of all his needs. Until he didn't need her anymore.

He didn't need her anymore. Bonnie had always known she was a place holder, she had. She had always known that her role was to keep him too entertained to walk into the sun. And that one day Elena would come back and be the one who made him truly happy. It still hurt like hell though.

It hurt. So much. Burned him in a way not even the sun was capable of. She was there, in front of him offering up everything he'd ever thought he'd wanted and he's choking on her scent. It's wrong. Too sweet, artificially so. That bottled shit they sell by the gallon. He's assaulted by strawberry and alcohol. Searching for that hint of vanilla and fresh water, as stale as it may be after forty-two hours.

It's not the same. This is not her home, he is not her safe harbor. Okay that's a lie. He is definitely her safe harbor. Every cell in her body is calling him to her, pleading with him to connect their souls. He hears it, she can tell by the way his hands twitches. But it passes, his muscles relaxing just as quickly. Her siren's call is but a whisper. She takes her leave, confused, too young to understand why.

She doesn't know why she's back, only that the decision was taken from her. She knows that after leaving Caroline at the grill her body was being pulled towards him. She tried to go left, her hands steered right. She tried to stay in the car and the door opened itself, forcing her out.

He calls her to him, knowing in his heart that it would work. A vampire's call to their mate. Elena hears it, it's an echo, like the memories in her home. A whisper of her old station, of the position she no longer holds. That's why she cries, how she explains the tears to Caroline. She would always be able to hear that call in the shadow of her mind, but it would be so faint, so distant that it couldn't possibly be for her.

As young as she may be, Bonnie understands what it means to be called home.

FIN


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